The Nine Side Effects

Overview

Growing up fatherless can have numerous side-effects on a boy’s development. One of the most prominent side-effects is the lack of a male role model in their life, which can lead to difficulties in forming healthy relationships and understanding their own masculinity.

Additionally, children without a father figure often struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of abandonment, as they may internalize the belief that they are not worthy of love and support. This can also contribute to behavioral issues such as aggression, delinquency, and substance abuse. Furthermore, growing up fatherless can have a negative impact on educational attainment, as these children may lack the necessary support and guidance to succeed academically.

Overall, the 9 side effects of growing up fatherless highlight the importance of positive male presence in a child's life for their emotional, social, and psychological well-being.

Crisis of Identity

Overall, children who do not know their genetic father often develop identity problems. They identify with the unknown father, to whom they attribute all the personal characteristics that they cannot trace to others. Consequently, such characteristics are less strongly felt as being part of one's own personality.

Boys look to their fathers in their search for their identity. Without a father to observe and emulate, boys have a harder time defining who they are or who they want to be.

green and brown mountain under white clouds during daytime

Silent Anger

Anger in its many shades is one of the deep-rooted side effects of growing up fatherless, and it is often directed at the wrong people. When anger gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, in personal relationships, and in the overall quality of our lives.

A Need To Belong

Studies show that boys without fathers are more likely to join gangs. They yearn to be socially accepted, and this sometimes takes them down the wrong path. Underestimating one's own value. Children without fathers are more likely to grow up poor. This can have a life-long impact on their future education and career. Beyond that, however, fatherless children often feel as if they are not worthy and have no real value.

Underestimating One's Own Value

Children's diminished self-concept, and compromised physical and emotional security (children consistently report feeling abandoned when their fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic bouts of self-loathing)

Misunderstanding Character

Kids must practice what they learn before it comes naturally to them. This applies in learning character, too. Children can learn vicariously when they see character-building in action and learn directly when they hear lessons in values. But they need hands-on experience to know the true meaning of character. Without a father or mother to model character, boys and girls choose character traits from the world around them e.g., from celebrities, pro athletes, popular musicians, or neighborhood contacts.

person standing behind green leafed plants

Not Feeling Respected

A father who does not show up for his children epitomizes disrespect. Children need to feel deeply admired for something elicited by their abilities, qualities, and achievements. Children yearn for approval and attention.

The Void

Children without fathers feel a void in their chest. An empty space that lacks meaningful emotion. It is a feeling of numbness, a sense of nothingness, hopelessness, isolation and feeling disconnected, lost, and confused. The burning question is, “What did I do to cause this situation? And there is no answer. Consciously or not, children will try to fill the void with sex, pornography, violence, drugs, alcohol, and other behaviors that offer short-term pleasures.

two oranges with faces drawn on them sitting next to each other

A Lopsided View Of Sex

Beyond having a vague understanding of the difference between sex and love, boys without fathers have many unanswered questions about sex. Fathers are typically the ones to impart this practical knowledge and advice about girls, sex, wet dreams, contraceptives, pregnancy, and other topics.

Without his father or a surrogate, he gets this information from equally ignorant friends or, today, the internet.

Not Enough Love

Boys without fathers often view love as vulnerability, and they have a difficult time trusting someone with their heart. The father-daughter relationship is the one that best teaches young women about true love and intimacy, self-worth, and respect "The father has the greater impact on the daughter's ability to trust, enjoy, and relate well to the males in her life.”